My wardrobe leaves much to be desired. Jeans, flip flops, t-shirts. But it matches my lifestyle. Not that my lifestyle leaves much to be desired. No, I like my lifestyle. And my life. It’s just that, well, I don’t do much. I work part-time as a bookkeeper. I work part-time as a writer. I hang out with my kids. And once a week, I go out on date night with my husband.How many clothes do I need?

A couple of months ago, I noticed a column in the New York Times Sunday Styles section titled “What I Wore”. And it got me thinking, “Hmm, if I chronicled a week’s worth of wardrobe changes, what would that sound like?”

Well, not as exciting as Dita Von Teese but still…

WHAT I WORE
Jennifer Felser Cullen: Mother, Wife, Bookkeeper, Writer, Sex Machine
By Lou Sirguy

Born and raised in Miami to liberal Jewish parents, Jennifer Cullen spent 11 years in Manhattan, living in a series of one bedroom apartments, shared with others. She did nothing charitable but still managed to have a good time. After earning an MBA, getting married to a Catholic boy and birthing a son, she moved back to South Florida where she currently resides with her second husband (also Catholic), her two children from her first marriage, and, every other weekend, her (really) red-headed stepdaughter.  (See her NYT Wedding Announcement.)

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 11

My go-to look.

My go-to look.

My vibrating Timex watch woke me up at my usual 5:25 am time. To walk my kid to the bus, and go for a run, I slipped on my Champion running pants, a Nike long sleeve shirt purchased at TJ Maxx in 2008 and a pair of running shoes from Shoe Carnival (buy one, get one half off).

After a quick shower, I slipped on my “mom goes to work part-time” uniform: a pair of olive green Gap Bermuda shorts, a crinkly long sleeve button down, an embroidered Lucky belt and Havaianas flip flops. With my black pleather Forever 21 purse over my shoulder, the one with the zipper that doesn’t work, I went to my day job: bookkeeping.

Later that night, back home after a long day of reconciling accounts, doing kid chauffeur duty and cooking a Mexican chowder, I slipped in to my striped Hanna Andersson long-john pajamas. The ones that say, “No sex tonight, dear.” They speak loud and clear.

THURSDAY, JAN. 12

Working from home, and expecting a visit from a homeowner’s insurance inspector, I didn’t shower after my run. Alone with a strange man in my house, I wanted to make myself as unattractive as possible. I spent the day in black Champion running shorts and a Crain’s New York Business T-shirt from 1995 when I was the Research Editor there. Yes, I know that was 17 years ago.

Big-ass deflecting earrings

Big-ass deflecting earrings

After my ex-husband picked the kids up for his Thursday night sleep-over, I showered, shaved and slipped on date night clothes: a 2006 red long sleeve Lucky tunic (to hide my muffin top) and a pair of dark wash boot leg Lucky jeans. I paired them with black Nine West cork wedges and some large, circular Forever 21 earrings.

A sales lady once told me that if you wear something eye-catching above the neck, no one will notice your fat ass. Seems to be working.

FRIDAY, JAN. 13
Most Friday mornings, I pick up my daughter from her father’s and take her to school. Usually, I wear no bra and a big Nike sweatshirt my ex-husband gave me on the last birthday we celebrated together (2001). Today was no exception. Wearing another pair of Champion running shorts, I was off. (If you wear running clothes all day, isn’t it like you went for a run?)

Not necessarily to scale

Not necessarily to scale

I made time in my busy schedule for a mani pedi. It was going to be a weekend without kids which means I was going to get laid. Finely groomed hands make hand jobs, and even blow jobs, more aesthetically pleasing. If I’m getting bored, I can just admire my um, well, French manicure.

That afternoon, after the kids were picked up, and I tested my manicured nail theory (I was right), I showered and changed in to a pair of dark skinny Lucky jeans, a black H & M top, and a pair of worn-out black patent Chinese Laundry sandals purchased from Ross in 2003. I accessorized my outfit with a chunky gold bracelet and a pair of big gold hoops from last year’s Calypso collection at Target.

My husband and I then walked to our favorite local restaurant for dinner, while sipping roadies of club soda, pomegranate juice and vodka from Tervis tumblers. After dinner, and a leisurely stroll home, I slipped in to my birthday suit (circa 1965).

SATURDAY, JAN. 14

Running uniform

Running uniform

I slept in while my husband went to work for a few hours. For our power walk, I wore the shorts from the day before (never made it out for that run) and a black tee. Over the shirt, I wore one of my 14 year-old son’s fleece pullovers that he had outgrown and topped the outfit off with my favorite baseball cap.

That night, my husband and I were going to a party. I had planned to wear a short green sleeveless Urban Outfitters dress and my high wedges but an unexpected cold front made me scramble for something a little warmer. I wore my dark skinny now slightly dirty Lucky jeans and a hand me down sheer black Catharine Malandrino top. (Do you want it back, MG?).  And some high heel booties purchased this season from Target.To dress up the outfit, I carried a black Gucci purse, given to me on my 35th birthday by my brother and sister-in-law. I’m now 46.

SUNDAY, JAN. 15
A rare Sloppy Sunday brunch at Pizzeria Oceano. Thinking we were going to sit outside and, not sure of the fickle South Florida weather, I wore my faded jeans, an embroidered Lucky belt, an olive green button down top and my daughter’s brown Converse sneakers. They were a size too small but they matched my outfit. I’m a slave to fashion.

Uno de 50

Uno de 50

Too lazy to wash my hair, I topped it off with a straw fedora purchased last year in a shop on Duval Street in Key West.  And wore my Uno de 50 leather and metal barbed wire-ish looking bracelet. Definitely the coolest thing that I own.

MONDAY, JAN. 16

A full day of working at home, in front of the computer and doing some clean-up. I wore a pair of army green shorts with an old beige tee. When I went to the grocery store, I added a maroon Moth cardigan and slipped on a pair of gold Havaianas flip flops. To dress it up a bit, I added on my favorite double wrap coral necklace.

Flip flops and a rock star pedicure

Flip flops and a rock star pedicure

Wore the same outfit to sit on the bleachers at my son’s basketball practice, happy that the cardigan covered up the ass crack gap in my shorts. Didn’t want to give the other moms a glimpse of my Victoria’s Secret thong and something to talk about.

TUESDAY, JAN. 17
See last Wednesday. And next Wednesday. And the Wednesday after that.