|National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (p. 26)|
You know that post I wrote earlier in the week, the one about my husband, his birthday and the kind of gifts that all men want? Yes, the one that ended with mention of blow jobs and anal sex. Well, something happened this week that made me think about the potential repercussions of what I write, which is something that I hadn’t given much thought to lately.
A couple of our guy friends stopped by a few nights ago to pick up my husband and take him out for a celebratory birthday dinner. We were all hanging around the kitchen, as people tend to do in my house, and my kids and I were eating our dinner, which my husband made for us even though he was going out. (It was really yummy chicken lettuce cups but with jasmine rice and not lettuce. He’s a nice guy.)
And one of the guys, who had read my blog post, said, “Hey, I can’t wait for the kids to go to bed so I can hear what Jen gave to Fred on his birthday night.” Now, my kids are 12 and 14. They are getting deep in to puberty with all of it’s accompanying body changes and growing curiosity about sex. Not much gets by them. They understood what was unspoken. My son, the 14 year-old, didn’t say much but he did grimace like he had bitten in to an extra large lemon. My daughter let out a great big “Ewwww.” And I don’t blame either of them. They don’t want to think about their mom and their stepfather having sex. No one wants to think about their parents having sex, including me.
But I felt like I had been caught doing something bad because my kids knew that I had written about sex and their stepfather’s birthday.
I’ve spoken to my kids about my blog and it’s subject matter. That its not for kids. They know that I wrote for the Love and Sex channel on The Stir for almost a year. I’ve told them to not read my blog. That it will scar them for life. And I’ve blocked certain sites from the family computers to the best that I can. But could they get to my writing if they wanted to? Of course. I’m not really concerned that my son would but my daughter? At some point, she will. And as my son said, “What goes on the Internet, stays on the Internet.”
So what is a mom blogger, who happens to write about sex, divorce and her kids among other things, to do?
I mean, this is who I am. A writer who happens to be a woman who is open about, and embraces, her sexuality, her divorce and remarriage and the humor of the many imperfections in her life: her children, her husband and even her vagina.
A few days have passed and I’m over the feeling that I’ve done something wrong. I’ve decided to just take it as it comes with the kids. I’m really proud of the fact that we have open conversations about all sorts of things, including sexuality. They ask me lots of questions, including a recent one about masturbation. And I try to answer them honestly, but on a level that doesn’t overwhelm them with too much information.
But in addition to my kids knowing that their stepfather and I have sex, there was a little bit of backlash from my adult readers at the mention of anal sex at the end of my last post. I understand. And I put it in there more for shock value than as a statement of my own sexual activity. Heterosexual anal sex is still a taboo and many people consider it dirty or gross. But the truth of the matter is, based on this all-encompassing survey of sexual behavior that was published last year, anal sex among heterosexuals occurs in fairly large numbers. The graph above shows that almost half of women ages 25-29 have, at some point, had anal sex. Another survey result? Almost 41% of women in my age group, 40-49 years-old, “received penis in anus” in their lifetime.
To each his own.
And ironically, I got an email yesterday from one of my contacts from back when I reviewed sex toys for The Stir (see “12 Days of Orgasm”) asking if I wanted to do a review of one of their new products on my own blog. Of course I said yes. Look for it in the next couple of weeks. Or don’t, if it’s not your thing.