For all of the writing I do about marriage, love and sex, I’m not immune to falling in to some bad relationship habits.
And I did something I thought I was too wise to do. I forgot to pay attention to my husband and my marriage.
Earlier this week, this neglect caused a confrontation with my husband. And you know how I feel about that. But the (intense) conversation needed to happen. And the reconciliation was, um, nice.
And now, I’m sitting here trying to figure out how we got to that place. That place that demanded we talk and cry and sit with our arms crossed during a few long moments of silence.
Because it didn’t happen overnight.
Our lives have been really busy recently: with work, with kids, with some home renovations and with conferences.
On top of that, our lives contain their own little unique twists and turns. Ours is a second marriage complete with a blended family. My teenage kids live with us the majority of the time. My 14 year-old stepdaughter is only here every other weekend because she lives two hours away. (Did I mention that all three are teenagers?) My husband frequently works 15 hour days at the restaurant he owns. And then there’s me. Wife, mother, bookkeeper and writer. (But I only get paid for one of those things.)
During the last couple of weeks, I’ve bemoaned the fact that we haven’t spent much time together. Intimate time as in lunch or dinner together (just the two of us), lolling around on the couch or in the bedroom, not sleeping. But out of all of these, the one that stood out the most was the goings on in the bedroom. Or lack thereof.
And even though I knew that this was happening, and that it wasn’t good for us, it still all kind of spiraled away from me. And I didn’t do anything about it.
And I’m kind of embarrassed about this. I mean, I write about sex and relationships on my blog. I spent a year writing about love and sex for The Stir. I tested out sex toys, with my husband being a willing guinea pig, for goodness sakes.
I love my husband. And I really enjoy sex. And we do have a great sex life. When we have it.
But like I said, we fell in to a bad habit. I fell in to a bad habit. I was neglectful and sometimes, you need a jolt or an intense conversation, to break out of it.
And boy, was I jolted.
And like I said, it wasn’t fun. But we’re past it.
I have a really good marriage. A really strong marriage. But it’s not perfect. And neither am I.
But I’ll tell you, everything in my life seems easier to deal with when my husband and I are feeling close. When we’re feeling really good about our relationship. And a large part of our closeness, our intimacy, comes from sex. How much, how good, how much.
Because having sex, making love or just plain f@#cking is the thing that most clearly differentiates our relationship from all of the other relationships we have.
So now that we’ve worked out a few kinks, and before the craziness of summer begins, we’re taking a quick weekend trip to the Bahamas. On a cruise ship. Just the two of us. No phones, no chicken, no social media. I’m bringing a few bathing suits, a few sexy dresses and a bottle of lube.
Don’t try to call me. I won’t answer. I’ll be busy making up for lost time.