My town is full of minivans and SUVs. And an overabundance of these family stickers conspicuously placed on their rear windows. You know the ones I’m talking about. Father, mother, son, daughter, cat and dog.

The first couple of times I saw them, I felt a little left out. I never saw a sticker for my non-nuclear family, assembled as a result of divorce and remarriage. But I got over it because I’ve never really been a put-a-sticker on your car type of person. No “My Child Is an Honor Roll Student” or “Vote For Mr./Mrs. Politican”. 

(Though I have coveted those metal testicles people hang from the bottom of their trucks. Just kidding. My daughter saw a set on the way to school a few months ago. That took some explaining. Thanks for nothing. Aren’t there obscenity laws in my state? And, by the way, it’s not going to help you with the ladies. Seriously, I can’t think of a better way to say “I have self-esteem issues” or “I am not very well endowed” than hanging metal balls from the back of my vehicle.)

I digress. Back to the stickers.

The other day, I was in a particularly foul mood, grumbling about some poor decision someone in my extended non-traditional family had made. And I saw three cars in a row with pretty little stickers and intact families not marred by divorce. So by the time I saw the third car, I just had to flip them the finger. I don’t think that they saw me. (I know I have some unresolved issues).

I came home, drank some soothing vodka chamomile tea and calmed down. Then I did a Google search and found this web site where you can make your own family assortment. So I did. I think it came out great. I haven’t ordered it yet. I’m going to have to get a bigger car so that we’ll all fit across the back.

Top image via cjc4454/Flickr