One of my jobs as a pseudo-housewife is doing the laundry. For years, I fought the fact that this was my responsibility. I pretended that I did it because I wanted to do it, not because I had to do it. But I guess when you work part-time and your husband works 50 hours a week, and brings in 90% of the household income, you have no choice but to own up to the moniker “housewife”.

I don’t mind bringing all of the clothes downstairs though I wish I had an old-fashioned laundry chute. I don’t even mind dumping the clothes in the washing machine, sorting them by color, type and smell. My husband’s work clothes smell so bad. Imagine bleach, chicken carcasses and grease all mixed together. Now magnify this smell 10 times. I don’t think that I had ever smelled anything so foul (no pun intended) before we started dating. While we were dating, and not living together, he would come over after work and hang out for a few hours before going to his house. I was always torn by wanting to sit close to him, and snuggle and make-out, versus wanting to get out the industrial size bottle of Febreze and spray him from head to toe.

No, my biggest beef with doing the laundry is that nobody turns their clothes right side out before putting them in the hamper. Do they think that the shirts, pants, socks etc. miraculously turn themselves right side out in the washing machine or the dryer? Wow, that would be a great invention though. I used to make myself fix everything before I put it in the laundry. Smelly socks, pajama tops, gym shorts. But I started getting a little freaked out when I would take a pair of pants out of the hamper and one leg would be turned inside out and the underwear would still be stuck in it. Are they practicing a circus act? I hear the Barnum and Bailey theme song inside my head (doo doo doodada doo doo) while I envision the acrobatics needed to complete this feat.

So, I stopped turning everything right side out. The pants, the underwear, the socks. They get the clothes back in their drawers still inside out. (Not my husband. He’s excused from this new rule due to the 90% of the income thing.) Funny thing is, no one has complained about it. No one has even thought to bring it up. Maybe they know that once they complain, it’s over. They’ll have to start doing their own laundry. Come to think about it, it is time for them to start helping with the laundry. I’ll tell them that Malia and Sasha do their own laundry. I think we’ll start tomorrow.